BARKING UP THE WRONG TREE HOUSE

Big Brother is watching. Only this Big Brother is watching from the front seat of a golf cart. In the ever growing "File for the Obscenely Rich and Bored," Peachtree City Government has spent the last few weeks deflecting sticks and stones concerning an "important" issue. This time around the controversy is tree houses. Peachtree City's City Council and some branch thereof, in an effort to seem functional, has been discussing a regulation to stop the building of tree houses. For now the agenda item is on hold, but let's ponder the root of this matter.

To go out on a limb, I think this might qualify as intrusive, meddlesome government. I love living in Peachtree City, I think one of the best locations in the country, but this current issue might be a little nutty, even for our frivolous community.

So a week ago or so, the City Council came out of one of their meetings with the idea to ban treehouses!! Hmm., Can you imagine the ideas that didn't make it out of that meeting? I can see it now: After a few too many Cokes and Doughnuts the issue of property safety must have come up. Maybe someone suggested banning backyard barbecues--eyebrow singeing among dads. Maybe someone suggested banning kiddie pools--thousands of frogs are lost to drowning each year. You could lose an eye to a kite, skin your knuckles with jacks. The sand box should be banned--for cats at least. They were probably going to ban Hop Scotch until someone pointed out, it was NOT a kid drinking game.

In all fairness, upon inspection, I found their deliberations were not solely about banning tree houses. The regulation the committee has been considering is about prohibiting any device or structure 10 feet above the ground supported by a tree. In particular this new rule was about preventing people from putting these new satellite dishes and super antennae in the tops of their trees. They are rather unsightly. Tree houses, and bird houses for that matter, just happened to fall under this new guideline (Or, above it). The possible tree house ban just got all the press.

The issue at hand isn't really about tree houses or bird houses or satellite dishes. It is about dictatorial government. In an effort to live up to our unofficial moniker of "The Magic Kingdom," Peachtree City government tries a little too hard to "manage" all aspects of the community. There are some that believe we can "produce" a perfect neighborhood, devoid of injury, conflict or offensive aesthetics. Peachtree City is hardly the only Atlanta area suburb living in this deceived state of mind. We can be so ahead of the game if we realize that happiness is not the opposite of unpleasantries. Happiness comes from the acceptance of them. It is having the strength to tolerate all the stupid, unjust, risky and yes, even ugly things that life brings.

In retrospect, the proposed ban should really help "The Home Depot." Mad citizens in throngs will be rushing out to buy lumber to build tree houses for their children, dogs, cats, squirrels, and Furbies. I'm going to go out and build a tree house, and I live in an apartment. With every action of government, there is always an equal and opposite reaction of the governed.

My only fear in all this is the Environmental Protection Agency will choose this as one of their publicity cases. We do not want the EPA climbing on this bandwagon. By the time they are done with it, we'll be dressing our trees in sweaters and writing our letters on recycled banana peels. In the grand scheme of things this latest debacle won't make much difference in the world but, we probably won't be getting a Keebler Tree House Factory in Peachtree City anytime soon. No self respecting cookie sprite could risk having an arrest record. Besides, "Hell hath no fury like an elf scorned."

Billy Murphy -- 12/18/98 (rewritten)