TEMPEST IN A MAIL BOX (Postal Partum Depression)

While neighboring Coweta county appropriates over a million dollars towards classroom computers, we in Peachtree City fight over mailboxes. As Atlanta unveils one of the most ambitious marketing and construction enterprises this side of Sherman (Replacing the old steel mill with an entertainment, shopping and living complex), we in Fayette County dissent on "size matters," ...mailboxes and their girth. Maybe Fayette County has run out of real issues to discuss in county session. Maybe I am a just a mail chauvinist, but couldn't our officers and commissioners, find something a bit more important to argue over. This issue is nothing to write home about.

Known as the "monument mailbox" issue, Fayette Commission has been feuding over whether to allow large, (usually brick) mailboxes back in subdivisions and on cul-de-sac streets. In 1993, the state mandated that all massive mailboxes had to be removed from state roads and no more could be built, due to obvious safety benefits. Not a bad idea. At that time, the Commission voted to outlaw the monument-style mailboxes everywhere. Ok, one broad stroke in the place of a few finer ones. But now, due to outrage from homeowners, the Fayette Commission is considering rescinding the order in areas "off" state roads.

Since 1993, in Atlanta, we have hosted the Olympics, won the World Series, and watched Georgia Tech computers go from 16 to 500 megahertz. Yet, there are Fayette County home owners still hoping and wishing for the return of their huge mailboxes? Do you think they might have a little too much time on their hands? Are they angry every morning, sending another protest letter to Fayette County Commission in their cheap, rubber, government standard mailbox? Could this have been one of THE big travesties of the last 1/2 decade?

O.J. Simpson was acquitted. Leonardo Di Caprio was not Oscar-nominated for "Titanic." Merle Finkelstein spent three hundred thousand dollars on his home but can't build a brick postal receptacle. Who said life is fair? Probably the same guy who said, "The check is in the mail."

Worthless, useless debate has long been our God-given privilege in local government. Normally, I stand as proud as Oliver Wendell Douglas in support of a county commission's right to endlessly conference on the height of a fence or the length of a leash. But, spending weeks studying, researching and discussing this issue? What a waste of time. Could we get them to forget it all by sending a mail-order bribe?

Maybe I am too quickly discounting the importance of this, such public debate. Generations to come might look back at these times of "prohibition" as barbaric and oppressive. Right now, we might have freedom seeking individuals, heroes if I may, hiding their large brick and mortar mailboxes back in the woods, ducking federal agents, leading the hushed revolution against government interference and restraint. Next thing you know, Big Brother is going to be telling us when we can and can't remove tags from our pillows. Maybe none of us can really appreciate having a grand, leviathan mailbox until we lose it. Maybe it's time we all cried, "Give me vanity or give me death!!"

Billy Murphy -- 10/19/98