THINGS TO DO WHILE YOU WAIT IN LINE

Have you noticed a sudden lengthening of wait time in lines as I have? Here in Peachtree City things have become more and more crowded everywhere you go. Well to reduce frustration, I thought I would offer tips on what you can do while you are waiting in line.

At the Post Office: The minutes will seem to pass like minutes when you play this "concentration-style" game of matching. While you wait on line you can match "FBI Most Wanted" pictures with your favorite Atlanta Falcon football players. If this game proves too simple, you can add the "Lightning - Find NBA Bad Boy Latrell Sprewell Round." (You can insert your own Mike Tyson joke here).

If your wait is getting really long and you want to trim the line a bit, start mumbling g to yourself, "I used to be a postal worker... I got fired... that's my boss behind the counter.. I am gonna get him... wait, wait, wait.. did I forget my bullets?.... no, here they are...." Watch as the people gladly give you their place in line.

Fast food restaurants hardly live up to their name anymore so try these tips to pass the time: Most have condiment stands now, so before you get in line, stock up on plenty of liquid treats. If you feel faint or weak from hunger, a mustard shooter can do just the trick. If you feel like entertaining others in line, give yourself a ketchup moustache, grab a handful of straws for a microphone and start yelling, "Geraldo Rivera here, reporting live from McDonald's." And for those waiting in the drive-thru-window line, idle hands are the devil's workshop, so grab a baby wipe and clean that dirty dashboard. The special emollients will treat your car's interior just right. Just don't make the same mistake I once made: secure an UNUSED wipe.

Do you get to the airport much? The wait at the Delta counter can be excruciating. Sometimes playing little mind games is the best way to make time pass more quickly. See how many words you can make out of the letters in "Delta." Next, laugh hysterically when you realize that first word you come up with is "late." Next, think up witty responses to the 2 questions they always ask: "Did a stranger give you anything to carry on the plane" and "Have your bags been in your possession the whole time?" My favorite response is, "No stranger gave me anything, but I might have set down my bags while I was cutting the hydraulic lines on a 747.

There are a lot of other times we are stuck in line so here are some all purpose "wait games." Keep tapping people on the shoulders and ask, "Is this the line to get a free hicky?" Seem confused and keep repeating, "Has anybody here seen my old friend John." Entertaining people around you shares the joy of making the time go fast, so make up and tell fairy tales to these themes: "Goldilocks and The Bad Case of Lyme Disease," or "Curious George gets caught in a Bear Trap." or "The Gingerbread Man Gets Slapped with a Paternity Suit." The fun will never end.

Good luck next time in line.

Billy Murphy -- 2/12/99