SEEING DOUBLE

They say that nothing is original anymore. They say, there is nothing new to be written, filmed, invented or dreamed. Though "they" are morons, look at this recent bevy of movies that seem to have very little original going for them.

THE FACULTY - Plot: A group of dissimilar teens band together to fight visitors from outer space. Status: Breakfast Club meets Alien. The teachers, when inhabited by the aliens, develop the complexion of a young Molly Ringwald.

PRINCE OF EGYPT - Plot: Bible story overdubbed with overly earnest soulful music. Status: Ten Commandments meets The Lion King. Just thank Moses that Mariah Carey and Whitney Houston were busy when they got Elton John for the Lion King.

PATCH ADAMS - Plot: Caring Doctor bucks the system to make a difference to the people around him. Status: Dead Poets Society meets Awakenings. Jeesh, can't Robin Williams at least find movies to copy that he hasn't already made.

MIGHTY JOE YOUNG - Plot: Gigantic ape is infatuated with gorgeous female friend. Status: Actually a remake, but it's King Kong meets Beauty and the Beast. "Am I supposed to Meet Joe Young? Or is that Mighty Joe Black? Just give me two tickets to Waterboy."

YOU'VE GOT MAIL - Plot: Computer technology reeks havoc in couple's lives. Status: Another remake but it's really Sleepless in Seattle meets The Net. But, face it, they could put Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in a movie mixture of "Waterworld" and "The Postman" and we would pay Hannibal Lecter to babysit our kids while we went out and saw it.

WATERBOY - Plot: Football is the background in a dufus' struggle for acceptance. Status: North Dallas Forty meets the Jerk meets Forrest Gump. A Hit Cajun Recipe: Add one nebbish innocent, one great actress, a dash of cameos by a former SNL player. Stir comically.

STEPMOM - Plot: Parent interferes with outsider's familial attempts. Status: Mrs. Doubtfire meets Terms of Endearment. Fighting, jealousy, resentment, death, and a heck of a great lip sync scene. Just what Beloved was missing.

ENEMY OF THE STATE - Plot: Innocent man runs for life, literally, and has to clear his name. Status: The Fugitive meets Conspiracy Theory. Running from helicopters, jumping from roof to roof. The pedestrian's version of the car chase.

SHAKESPEARE IN LOVE - Plot: A look into the turbulent romantic and young life of legendary genius. Status: Amadeus meets There's Something About Mary. Luckily for the Bard, they didn't have zippers back then.

A CIVIL ACTION - Plot: A malevolent lawyer finds soul through a court case. Status: The Firm, The Verdict, The Rainmaker, The Client, A Time to Kill, The Gingerbread Man, The Chamber, Presumed Innocent. Primal Fear. Let me guess, he gets upset and sweeps all the books off his desk in anger.

If this article seems familiar, it's David Letterman's Top Ten List meets Siskel and Ebert

Billy Murphy -- 12/31/98