Christmas Carols '99

Here are my annual rewrites of popular Christmas tune bring them up-to-date.

Regis the Game Show Host - To the tune of "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer"

REGIS THE GAME SHOW HO-HO-HOST HAD AN AWFUL LOT OF CASH
AND IF YOU EVER SAW HIM YOU WOULD LIKE A PIECE OF HIS STASH
ALL OF THE GAME CONTESTANTS .. LAUGH AND LIKE TO CALL HIS NAME
PLEASE MR REGIS PHILBIN.... PLEASE LET ME INTO YOUR GAME

THEN ONE FOGGY TUESDAY NIGHT REGIS CAME TO SAY-HAY..
CONTESTANT DEB IS A BALLET DANCER.. AND OH DEBBIE IS THAT YOUR FINAL ANSWER?

THEN HOW THE SPONSORS LOVED IT .. ALL-THE-MONEY THAT THE RATINGS EARN
CAUSE ALL THE GAME CONTESTANTS .. GET NERVOUS & THEY CRASH AND BURN..
GET NERVOUS AND THEY CRASH AND BURN

Jesse around the Christmas Tree - To the Tune of "Rock Around the Christmas Tree."
JESSE AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE THE MINNESOTA GOVERNOR
WEARING TATTOOS BIG BLACK BOOTS HE SANTA'S LITTLE WRESTLE-ER
JESSE AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE HE SAYS YOU GOTTA STAND UP FOR YOURSELF
BUT WHEN HE'S HUNGRY HE TURNS MEAN, HE ATE FIVE OF SANTA'S ELVES
HE WILL TAKE A CANDY CANE AND RAM IT IN YOUR EAR...
HIS VOICE IS SAYING LET'S HAVE SOME FUN.. BUT YOU NEED TO CALL 9 - 1 - 1
JESSE AROUND THE CHRISTMAS TREE ... HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY
DON'T LOOK KNOW BUT HE JUST THREW SANTA OUT OF HIS SLEIGH
THREW SANTA OUT OF HIS SLEIGH

Felicity - To the Tune of "Silver Bells."

SEE THE BLOND HAIR, SEE THE BLANK STARE, SEE THE MELANCHOLY..
OH IT CAN'T BE THAT BAD IN TO BE IN COLLEGE
YOU'RE ALWAYS DE-PRESSED AND A BIG MESS BUT YOU SURE DRESS WITH STYLE
BUT WHY DID YOU CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR?

FELICITY... HAVE YOU EVER SMILED? FELICITY....ARE YOU IN DENIAL
PLEASE TAKE SOME PROZAC FOR CHRISTMAS
FELICITY... OH WHY SO GLUM FELICITY... TRY SOME LITHIUM
PLEASE TRY TO SMILE CHRISTMAS DAY...

Pokemon - To the tune of "Jingle Bells."

DASHING THROUGH THE CROWDS WITH A PLASTIC MASTERCARD
OFF THE SHELF WE TAKE THE BOXES FAST AND HARD
FIGHTING FOR OUR CHANCE TO MAKE OUR CHILDREN GLOW
WHAT PAIN IT IS TO FIGHT FOR TOYS MADE IN MEXICO.. OH..

POKEMON POKEMON MAKE MY LITTLE YELLOW FRIEND
OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO SHOP UNTIL THE BITTER END
POKEMON POKEMON ... EXACTLY WHAT ARE YOU?
IF IT WASN'T FOR MY LITTLE BOY, I'D KILL YOU WITH MY SHOE

Billy Murphy - 12/2/99