Spamming the Globe

Ah, my country, how do I laugh at thee? Let me count the ways.

Something could be "a rye" here. On the same page of the "Living" section in the AJC the other day, there were two reports. One was on a BBW (big beautiful woman) gala. The other was on a cornbread festival. Seemingly ironic that the paper would feature these stories side by side? Being a not-so-thin person myself, I found it humorous and very appetizing. And though the "Atlanta BBW Bash '98" does seem like an opulent opportunity for "size acceptance" and recognition, it was actually overshadowed by the cornbread festival. The BBW fest drew a mere 200 attendees. The National Cornbread Festival outside Chattanooga drew over 50,000!! It only leads me to wonder though; on the way into Atlanta, down I-75, just how many with intentions to attend the BBW Bash, never made it, detouring to the cornbread festival instead?

"Ally McBeal" continues to make headlines and attract attention as one of those shows featuring a "bunch of beautiful people cum losers" who make our lives seem not so bad. From "Seinfeld," to "Frazier," to "Drew Carey" we seem to love to watch others who are more distinctly weird, high maintenance and frustrated than we are. If you want my advice what to watch, to singularly make yourself feel better by seeing other "losers," here is my list of movies to go out and rent: "Dumb & Dumber," "The Tommy & Pamela Lee Video," and anything with Charlie Sheen in it. As for "Ally McBeal," anyone who thinks discussing a show featuring a lawyer in a mini-mini skirt is deep, is bound to think Melrose Place would be a cool place to live. Of course these are the same people who think taking a quiz in "Cosmopolitan" or "GC" is reading.

The local news programs need another lambaste. What is the deal with all the weather reports? Maybe they are overcompensating for the tragic storm in north Georgia that some felt was not reported on early enough. Yet, again I can't help but feel our local news stations are taking whatever opportunity to jump on the disaster bandwagon. Is there some logical connection between fear and watching the news at 6 and 11? Were there some studies done years ago, surrounding "Friday the 13th" movies that showed people formed some need to qualm their terror by watching people with stiff hair reading in monotone? Yet, for some reason every news station has only one marketing principal to attract viewers, create fear. I can see those meetings now: Marketing Director: So Billy, I can tell you are new here. You think interesting advertising, thorough reporting and important stories will attract viewers? Ha Ha... Candy... get me the Center for Disease Control on the phone, let's see our our "disease du jour!"

For the "Just Won't Quit" file, I have to pay tribute to the modest asteroid. Once eclipsed by such important heavenly bodies as the stars, the sun, and the planets, this little pimply rock seems to gain more attention with every passing moon. Now the star of the science and the entertainment worlds, everybody seems to be asking the question, "What if one collided with the earth." I guess an important issue like this keeps our minds off the all but forgotten issues like Social Security, Medicare and Monica. I guess every dogstar deserves it's day. Besides its flame will fade soon too, as the debate continues over whether or not Tara Lipinski should have gone pro.

Billy Murphy -- 4/27/98