I'm So "Beeping" Mad

It could have been called, "The Sound of Silence," or maybe "Am I My Brother's Beeper?." It was the day 90% of the digital pagers in America fell silent. I felt the crush that day, and I don't even have a one, though I do suffer pager envy a considerable amount of the time.

This day, on which THE satellite spun aimlessly out of control, (Think Cosmo Kramer on Caffeine) 48 million Americans went without service. Even subtracting teenagers and drug dealers, that still left nearly a million important people with no contact point between their office phone, car phone and home phone. People were having to go sometimes nearly 100 feet between handsets and headsets without being "reachable." Whether out to lunch or on a Viagra run, CEOs, Doctors and Lawyers were having to spend nearly an hour in this vacuum of digital silence.

I spent the better part of a day counseling some of my more important friends through this crisis, though admittedly it was with emails and answering machine messages. This small wonder of wires and circuits was rendered nothing more than a clip-on clock. It only shows again how dependent on technology our country has become.

Some say this recent event was not an accident. It's been hinted this was Bill Gates flexing his power a little; showing Janet Reno that it might be a good idea to rethink the recent judgment over Microsoft and Windows 98. Some people have noted that the exact time the satellite went off course, a message came on their pagers that said, "Remember the Commodore 64!!" Maybe it's time to pay the pied piper before we lose our "cable."

We live in a technology-dependent society, no doubt. Though most of it is for convenience sake, it hasn't really brought any of us much satisfaction. Where we once thought it was a marvel how quickly the microwave oven cooked things, now we get upset at the thing if it can't pop a bag of Orville Reddenbacker during an "Ally McBeal" commercial. Where we once were satisfied with the idea that we would never miss a phone call again, now we expect to voice message, call back, call forward and caller ID. Older parents around the nation don't have a chance in actually speaking to a busy son or daughter. The only actual person getting through to another actual person seems to be the telemarketing salesman.

Maybe this latest snafu will slow us all down a millisecond or two. I understand the importance of pagers for some people; doctors for instance, who need to be notified about a late-breaking, just opened Tee Times. But, for the most part, we could do without the beeper. We just live in a time of urgency where no one can wait. We have again deceived ourselves into thinking that we can't wait. We have to make contact now. We have to talk to her now. We have to get his opinion now. It's all about now.

Instead, learn how to think "later." Relax and ask him later, when he gets home from work. Relax and get the answer later, when she's back in the office. Later won't hurt, relax. The world of medicine tells us we can live longer if we just ease up on the stress, slow down and mellow out. Relax. And with the way things are going, we better hurry up and do it now.

Billy Murphy -- 5/22/98