12 HOURS OF CHRISTMAS

It's 1 p.m. Christmas day and you've opened all the presents and eaten all you can hold, What do you do now? Here are some activities to help you pass the last "12 Hours of Christmas."

At one o'clock on Christmas, take 1 fruitcake and soak it in kerosene then light it real soon--Gather the family 'round the fireplace to watch the holiday souvenir that will burn til June.

At two o'clock grab 2 Alka Seltzers, throw them in a cup of Ginger Ale, quite dubious--Pretend you're spending your holiday abroad, watching Mount Vezuvius.

At three o'clock on Christmas take 3 minutes to call a loved one and give a message, heartfelt--Then watch as uncle Mel, who ate a hefty dinner, unbuckle his pants and belt.

At four o'clock watch some TV, 4 Spice Girls will dance and sing--The 5th one poor, dear Ginger, now works at Burger King.

At five o'clock watch 5 murders as reported by the local news--Then watch consumer guy Clark Howard sing the January Credit Card Blues.

At six o'clock on Christmas video 6 grandkids as they are crying low--They've realized that Furbies are left over Gremlins from a movie 10 years ago.

At seven o'clock on Christmas go to the 7-Eleven to get more batteries for childrens' toys--Grab a candy cane and pecan log and savor the Big Gulp joys.

Eight o'clock has arrived, eat 8 leftover Christmas dishes--Pray that the turkey is gone before March, make that one of your Christmas wishes.

At nine o'clock go see Star Trek 9, take the family and have a ball--But be careful if you buy consession stand snacks for the gang, it could be your most expensive Christmas gift of all.

At ten o'clock on Christmas night dial 10-10-Collect and save yourself some money--Call the White House and say you are Monica, see if they think that is funny.

At eleven o'clock pack everyone up and head back to the Seven-11--Buy the new National Enquirer, the one were Elvis sings Blue Chistmas to Di in heaven.

At twelve o'clock this Christmas day is over, have 12 good tidings of great cheer--And just think; only 6 more days til you party in the New Year.

Billy Murphy -- 12/18/98