SPAMMING THE GLOBE

If this edition of spamming the globe were to have a theme, I guess it would be "stupid things." I will start with Anthony Quinn. This guy is 82 years old and he is divorcing his wife. This is pretty moronic. I mean, what is he planning on doing with his free time? Does he think he is just gonna go out on the dating scene again? Do video dating services give senior citizen discounts? Who does he think he is? Dick Clark?

Another nutty one in the news is Chrisitan Slater the actor. He again, is one of these young Hollywood types who preaches recycling and vegetarianism yet gets arrested every other week for using cocaine. This time around he was apprehended for biting someone. Is it just becoming fashionable to bite other people; like a cool greeting kind of thing? It would sorta be like, "Hi, how ya doing.. YEOWWW!!!" If Anthony Quinn played his cards right, he could parlay this fad into a Denture-creme commercial.

Another silly news event lately has been Autumn Jackson, the girl who says Bill Cosby is her father. It looks like she may be going to prison too. That may seem harsh but this is actually not her first time trying to pull a scam like this. Seems she was once arrested once before for claiming that Janet Reno was her biological father.

If you want to taste stupid, just check the news on the bad hamburger meat. 25 million pounds of ground chuck had to be thrown out; and that was just at the Whitehouse. It would take 15 to 20 high school cafeterias to produce that much bad beef.

Englebert Humberdink was in the news this week because he is selling his house on QVC, the shopping network. This is truly the epitome of fact is stranger than fiction. For a mere 3.95 million dollars you can have Englebert's house. As an incentive, Englebert is throwing in 45 pairs of Tom Jones' leather pants that were shipped there by accident.

For the dumb idea of the week, they have rereleased Dirty Dancing. This movie is not on the same level as "Star Wars" or "E.T." or even Chris Farley's "Tommy Boy." If I wanted to see stories of younger women with troubled older men, adding pregnancies, fights and family conflicts, I would read the Kennedy File.

To conclude, I could hardly cover stupid without mentioning the Fall TV Season. Again, we are given a "new" sitcom with Tony Danza. What is the IQ of the typical Nielsen Rating Family that judges what we, the typical TV fan want? Have we not seen Danza's clueless, ineffectual, lovable characters before? From "Taxi," to "Who's the Boss," to "Hudson Street," over and over we have been subjected to his emasculate mugging. Watching a mush-faced dullard getting bounced from one sticky situation to another is boring. And after all, Newt does it so much better.
Billy Murphy 9/5/97