GET MY LAWYER

I like Kelly Fisher. She is the model who is suing her ex-boyfriend Dodi Fayed. He is Princess Di's new beau. Kelly Fisher claims Dodi should pay her money because he dumped her and left her in distress. (Legal Speak; Defendant subjugated Plaintiff to undue duress wherefore Plaintiff was deprived of considerable capital, with said capital only to be replaced with Plaintiff's photograph in supermarket tabloids.)
This is finally the legal precedent, to be set, so I can go back and collect money for every time I was let down, rejected or ditched!!
What a joyous day.
Beautiful, wonderful lawyers and judges alike--real modern day heroes--will finally reach the crescendo of their professions by bringing these types of cases to our too-conservative court system. Maybe even laws will be enacted that will benefit others victims who will come after me, that have not had things go their way. Herein, are the lawsuits I am currently seeking:
Case #00001. Against the estate of the parents of Billy Murphy I seek damages for psychological distress caused by never producing one, single, logical explanation for the restrictions imposed on I, Billy Murphy. Concerning my parents only responding the imperative, "because I said so," I seek the amount of 1 million dollars, or the equivalent value of 14,680 bowls of ice cream denied before meals.
Case #2B-orNot-2B. Against the estate of Val DiFranco, I seek damages in the amount of $75,000 for distress caused by said defendant's willing deception, fabrication and subterfuge surrounding a 1974 incident involving rejection of a date for the reason of "Needful Follicle Cleansing." Note: There is also a very similar, impending class action suit against "all women," brought by the "High School Chess Clubs of America" (I don't know the case number, but I do know it contains a whole lot of zeros).
Case #36DD-24-34. Against the considerable assets of Anna Lambruski, I seek damages for emotional distress from a 1983 situation caused by said defendant's incompetence in MCS (male counterpart selection.) In regards to defendant's valuing "danger" above "niceness," in regards to choosing men, I seek the sentence of defendant having to live with her choices.
Case #WD40-4U. Against the business establishment of mechanic Mike Jones for distress caused by repeatedly delaying the "your car is ready" date, I seek payment of $7,000 which is equivalent to the transmission work done on said vehicle... the one I had taken in for an oil change.
Case #UFO4U. Against the estate of Elvis Presley and The Psychic Friends Network, I seek damages of 10 million dollars for breach of promise concerning the return of "The King." This case has been filed in the city of Roswell, New Mexico, in regards to para-psycological pain I have experienced while swimming with Jimmy Hoffa and Amelia Earhart.
All cases are pending and all sales are final.
Billy Murphy -- 8/21/97