DEPRESSION RELIEF

This week I had to check myself into the Betsy Ford clinic (not quite the Betty Ford facility, but a cheaper one in Riverdale).. In addition to that, I started attending AAA meetings.. (not alcoholics anonymous.. but the automotive club one).. You see, I had a breakdown! And the people at the "FORD" clinic suggested I go.
I guess when it comes down to it, I am a second class manic depressive. Though real, depression-type mental illnesses are nothing to laugh about, all of us feel some of the pains of melancholy intermittently in our lives. I am no exception. By the nature of these conditions though, there is no better battle than to laugh it off.
In seeking cheap, quick cures for my feelings of despondency, I forego professional analysis or psychological assistance. I have found help for my doldrums in other places. A good place to get some help is when one of the long distance companies calls and asks you to switch carriers. I let them know I may be interested, but could they answer a few questions first. Then I ask is, "Do I sound depressed?"
Usually they will answer "No, not really."
Then I promptly yell, "What the heck do you know? You're just a measly little phone salesman.! Do you think you are some kind of a psychiatrist trying to solve my problems??"
Then I hang up the phone before they can say anything back. I'm sure it's not as effective as paying a mental health specialist, but it sure does feel good.
Because I am too cheap to invest in chemical ways to best my mental defects, I have taken a more natural route. Just like there are "natural" versions of controlled substances from Fen Fen to "Ecstasy" I concoct my own "prescriptions" to pull me out of ruts of everyday life. Some have opted for drugs that give a "leveling" affect to their life, to protect from the ups and downs. But me, I like the "buzz my way out" therapy. Let add though, I have never drank, smoked or done drugs in my whole 39 years. So my buzzes are of the sheltered variety, like melting down a couple of Hershey's bars in a 24 ounce cup of hot cocoa. I say when the going gets tough, do the chocolate dipped, melted, slathered and soaked thing. Then just sleep through the problem in a sugar coma.
I have heard another way to battle depression is with meditation and reflection techniques. Yoga is one form of this, Transcendental Meditation is another. I have my own "TM" as I call it (tenacious meditation). In it, you follow this stream of consciousness: Imagine you are in a dark wood. You feel the cool air blowing across your lanquid skin. Your hair caresses your face as it dances in the shaded zephyr. Now imagine all your cares and worries drowning in the crystal brook where you dangle your bare feet. Now think of someone who is causing stress in your life. Now picture them in the stream, with your feet holding them under the water; their eyes bulging from the lack of air that now fills your lungs in sweet delight. Billy Murphy "TM," try it.
Just remember, my examples should never be substituted for professional help or used while under the influence of the nicotine patch.
Billy Murphy - 9/11/97