For my 6th year in a row I use my space here to predict the coming year.

January 11th - Roberta Melmsteen becomes then the one-millionth cell phone user to simultaneously drive an SUV while saying the words, "I am late for my Botox appointment."

January 30th - Strom Thurmond wakes up in the middle of the night and seemingly for no reason screams, "George Wallace for president!!"

February 9th - Winona Ryder and Robert Downey Jr. start filming, "Framed: the O.J. Simpson Story."

February 23rd - The Atlanta Braves successfully lobby to skip the actual baseball season so that they can save their time and energy to put on a good show while losing in the first round of the playoffs.

March 15th - J.Lo breaks it off with Ben Affleck, saying she actually made a mistake and thought she had been dating Matt Damon for the past 8 months.

April 1st - Insert your own Michael Jackson April Fool's joke here.

April 21st - Winona Ryder and Darryl Strawberry start filming, "Framed: the Marion Barry Story."

May 13th - Sho-Nuff Daddy Fatboy becomes the one-millionth rap singer to be arrested for assault with a deadly weapon.

June 3rd - Picketers leave the filming of Lord of the Ring 3 when they realize they mistook the movie for Harry Potter 3.

June 29th - Hillary's presidential campaign reaches high gear when she announces her intentions to run with Rosie O'Donnell as her vice-president.

July 9th - J.Lo breaks it off with Matt Damon, saying she actually made a mistake and thought she had been dating Tobey McGuire.

August 3 - Strom Thumond wakes up in the middle of the night and seemingly for no reason screams, "Abe Lincoln for president!!"

August 27th - Time Magazine announces that every, single American suffers from either Carpal Tunnel Syndrome, PPMS, or Sleep Apnea.

September 19th - Winona Ryder and Mike Tyson start filming, "Framed: The Robert Downey Jr. Story."

October 2nd - Dick Cheney records his record 69th heart attack while wrestling an alligator on the White House lawn. He still defeats the alligator and celebrates over a steak and lobster dinner.

October 31st - Trick or Treating is cancelled when retailers realize there is more profit by putting out Christmas items after the 4th of July rather than Halloween.

November 21st - Thanksgiving is moved to May 5th when retailers realize there is more profit in moving it to a dead time of the year.

December 11th - Bob Dylan utters 3 words in a row that are fully understood.

December 29th - Michael Jackson cloned. End of the world.