My friends and I used to play a game in high school. We would see who could come up with the most creative acronyms for our name’s initials. For example, my friend Glen Lacy Browder changed his initials G.L.B. to “Good Looking Boy.” In the same vein, I went from William Allan Murphy to, “What A Man!!” Our friend David Oliver Anderson, dropped out of the game early, as did, Sherman Ormond Bishop.

Such games long dormant, I have found another use for my initials, offered here in this Dr. Seuss ripoff concerning the condition of our local politics.

I am WAM, I am WAM, WAM I am
Do I appreciate our local ham?
Those who govern us, ad nauseam?
I do not appreciate them. WAM I am.

Do I like them here or there?
I do not like them here or there.
They fuss and fight everywhere.
They fuss on the page they fuss with rage.

I do not appreciate them. WAM I am.
Why can’t they be sweet like a candy yam?
The fight in the car. They fight from afar.
The scream all day. They scream away

Would I put them in a chair?
Yes I would, with a bear.
I would plop them on his lap.
Tie them down with a strap.

They make the paper every day.
They never have a thing to say.
They only cut and fight each other.
They just gripe with one another.

Would I put them in a Villa
Yes I would, with Godzilla
The could be his dinner steak
But he might get a bellyache

Do I appreciate our local ham?
I do not. WAM I am.
Would I, could I, on a bus?
It would just turn slanderous
Would I, could I, on a boat?
Would I, need an antidote?

Our local reign I must confess
Seem to be comfortless
The names do change but still they fight.
And do they ever, day and night!!
Do I appreciate our local ham?
I do not. WAM I am.

Do they need the loony bin?
Yes, and I need aspirin.
Do they all need indictment?
It would give such excitement!!

Do I like our local ham?
Yes I do. WAM I am.
They are just a fun diversion
A quick study in self-immersion

Do I like our local ham?
Yes I do. WAM I am.
For when I watch their activity.
It reminds me how NOT to be.