I look around and see the silliness circle me like buzzards over a carcass, or at the very least like used car salesmen with a new customer on the lot. I zoom in on crime in this spamming.

It may be too late for this one, but the highlight of last week for me was reading the news headline that the ex-wife of the sniper (alleged) said she was "for" him being put to death if he is convicted. Well . . . ya think? The triviality of news reporting has yet again reached a new lower low. What exactly would make the ex-wife of the sniper (alleged) an expert commentator on his punishment? She is an ex-wife after all. She probably would want him to get the death penalty if he was guilty of returning his Blockbuster videos late.

What's next? Will they drag in the rebellious teenage kids of arrested felons, only to quote the teens saying, "You know, like, you know my old man, he like, should get the death penalty or, like even something worse for what he done, you know what I'm sayin'? And like, do you like my tongue ring and my tattoos?"

Next on the police blotter is poor Winona Ryder. Up for hard time on shoplifting charges, things are not looking too good for her. She may even be convicted by the time this column publishes. She's probably already calling Robert Downey Jr. for career tips.

Some of the comments from people on the street about Winona have been hilarious. One person said, "It's hard to judge her, she's so cute." Another said, "It all doesn't matter. Celebrities never get prison time." (I quietly wondered if the person that said that was O.J. Simpson). What she really needs, is punishment for all the bad movies she's made since "Alien Resurrection."

Though not actually a felony, though completely criminal, The Love Boat cruise ship is being sold due to a divorce settlement. Capt. Stubing must be spinning in his grave. He is dead right? Isaac Washington, pour me a stiff one.

Though technically named the "Pacific Princess," The Love Boat is the founder of the comedic device: "They fall in love, they have a misunderstanding and breakup, and then they get back together again." This ground-breaking story style was leading the way for future art like, "Pretty Woman," "Notting Hill," "Runaway Bride," well, you know any Julia Roberts movie.

Though in recent years, The Love Boat has only taken occasional, non-televised, "celebrity" cruises with the likes of big-times actors like Bernie Kopell, and Jill Whelan, it continues to float in syndicated television. Charo lives on!! And if you doubt the star power The Love Boat used to wield, I mention names like: Andy Warhol, Carol Channing and Jimmy Osmond.

Yoeman-Purser "Gopher" (actor Fred Grandy) even took his star status and used (some say abused) it to land political office. You dance with the devil and sometimes the devil pulls strings and gets you a congressional seat. You can quote me on that.