It’s time for kids to go to school and that is both good and bad; good for parents, bad for the kids. So to honor these good and bad days, I offer everything you need to know about school, the good and bad (and sometimes the ugly).

On School Transportion:

The Bad: Your child tells you the bus route is so crowded, he gets ride on the “outside” of the bus.
The Good: He never arrives to school with wet hair anymore.

On School Administration:

The Good: Your child’s school finally got rid of that principal you didn’t like.
The Bad: The new principal shows up with a pet monkey, wearing a “Limp Biskit” T-shirt and announces he has devised a way to boost the school budget by investing in the stock market.

On School Conditions:

The Bad: They announce they have discovered asbestos has been used in your school’s insulation.
The Good: That bad case of dandruff you had last year, wasn’t dandruff after all.

On Shop Class:

The Good: The new shop teacher isn’t missing any fingers.
The Bad: The new shop teacher has a prosthetic hand.

On Book Banning:

The Good: Kids are reading again.
The Bad: “Harry Potter” books are banned from reading lists.
The Ugly: “Harry Potter” replaced with some 2nd rate Dr. Seuss books like, “Horton Hears a Gunshot,” “Cat in the McDonald’s Drive Thru Window,” and “Green Eggs and Spam.”

On School Testing:

The Good: They have lowered state-wide testing levels.
The Bad: All math answers can “just be close,” all geography answers just need to be on the correct continent and all spelling tests will have words no longer than 3 letters.

On School Fashion:

The Good: Schools are leaning towards more uniform standards.
The Bad: New modern uniforms will include pockets for cigarettes and be revealing enough to expose body piercings and tattoos.
The Ugly: The above mentioned are the middle school uniforms.

On School Food:

The Good: New law passed that all caferteria meals must taste like food.
The Bad & the Ugly: To save money, food service collanders have been replaced by caferteria workers’ hairnets.

Have a great school year!!