I saw Morgan Fairchild in person. It was not too long ago when I was at
Phipps Arena for a Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young concert. There she was
walking by, backstage, larger than life. She was the figurative equal in size
to the literal David Crosby. As highlights go in a life half-lived so far, it
will be tough to equal the event of seeing Morgan Fairchild in person.

Life really is about having goals and seeking to attain them. This worked for
Bill Gates in spite of his haircut. This worked for O.J. in spite of that
murder thing. This hasn't worked so far for Britney Spears but I am sure it
will, as soon as they create an Academy Award for Best Performance in a
Leather Studded Bra.

I saw Morgan Fairchild in person. I know I should have probably set my goals
higher in life, but after all what are riches and fame compared to the
opportunity to say to your idol, "You look bigger on television." (In
retrospect, this is not something you really, ever want to say to any woman:
"You look bigger . . .")

Morgan Fairchild began her career simply enough; as Faye Dunaway's double in
"Bonnie and Clyde," but reached career heights with such gems as, "Pee Wee's
Great Adventure," "Body Chemistry III," and "Test Tube Teens from the Year
2000." You won't see finer acting this side of "Saved By the Bell."

But this column is not really about Morgan Fairchild. It's about me, my
goals, aspirations and ambitions. I am a realist. I accept the fact that I am
not going to attain the fame and success of say, a Ben Affleck, but with
persistence, patience and Jennifer Lopez' propensity to go through men, she
might eventually get around to even me.

Sometimes success is nothing more than just that, a waiting game. Even a
blind hog finds an acorn now and then . . . and then markets its and packages
it as "Blind Hog Acorns," and makes a million bucks. Then snubs his other hog
friends and thinks he's too good to wallow in the mud anymore. That's the
kind of achievement I seek, to be so successful I can finally snub my
friends. Wallowing in the mud, I will still do.

Attaining our goals and dreams can be a trap too. I remember, when I was
young, when my goal was to own a Winchester Model 9422 lever action rifle. I
reached it. Then it was a Hi Fi, then a girl, then a camera, then another
girl, then a car, then a girl, then cool clothes, then that first girl again,
when she had broke up with her boyfriend, then an 8 track for my car; the
list was never ending. And with the exception of getting any of those girls,
attaining all my goals seemed hollow, or at least short-lived.

That's different now. I saw Morgan Fairchild in person; petite,
perfectly-maned ingénue of the 80's. The only thing left now for me to do is
set my next goal in life. I am trying to decide between a Doctorate in
Mathematical Science or to meet Cindy Crawford.