I do wish we could get more CNN coverage on the presidential tie. I call it a tie because this tic-tac-toe of an election battle won’t be over anytime soon (thank goodness for lawyers). I guess none of the news channels got enough practice during the John Kennedy Jr. plane crash and as of this writing are still trying to figure out how to squeeze 70 minutes of blather out of an hour of news. And if a tie is like kissing your sister, what is a tie of this magnitude? Is it like kissing my brother? And this is not a nice thought, I happen to have a twin.

I saw Charlie’s Angels twice this past week. If you are a child of the 70’s and always wondered why Jill had to drive the lame Pinto while the rest of the angels got to drive the cool Ford-issue models, this movie is for you. Actually, this movie has less to do with the original Charlie’s Angels than it has in common with the Cartoon Network’s “Power Puff Girls.” I found myself wanting to yell “girl power” during the “Matrix” style fight scenes and the Bond-style swaggering. Alot of men will develop a love-hate relationship with this movie; hating that men are little more than window dressing, yet loving to watch Cameron Diaz, Lucy Lui!! and Drew Barrymore find all sorts of reasons to sport bikinis and zip-off wetsuits. The art-house movie lives.

You can’t spam the globe today without talking about the internet. Pets.com went bankrupt and we won’t be seeing anymore of their sock puppet dog (Who became famous for a live-on-the-net spaying). I guess too many people, like me, received their Siamese kittens crushed in the mail. There are some things that just should not be sold over the internet. Can’t people just leave the technology for what it was meant to be, like downloading music or ugly people having pretend sex as pretend-good looking people.

And speaking of music, Napster was bought up by one of the largest media companies in the world recently. So much for the hacker mentality. So much for the little guy. So much for me completing my quest to acquire the complete works of Barry Manilow.

I would now like to take the end of this article to announce that, like Celine Dion, Garth Brooks and Barbra Streisand, I am retiring. Like these stars, I probably have alot of years left in me, but being a follower of the trends I am giving it all up while I am at the height of my success (Ok, I have set my goals pretty low). I am just quitting for the week though. Please miss me, please love me. Ok. I will come back. In the real world though, this recent spate of retirements is pitiful and embarrassing. It reminds me of when I was in high school and some unpopular kid would get out of school early and make a big deal about it, as he left, just so he could get everyone in the glass to say goodbye like they cared. I guess these stars will now spend their time on hanging out with Magic Johnson and the Rolling Stones.

Til my next retirement.